Miscarriage of Justice

well i have to admit its been a while since i wrote and a lot of things have happened. We moved out, well we had too. His mum and so called family ruined us. We now live out the way, and we're together now. So here we are months later, having what we thought was a wonderful life.

January his uncle had a stroke, that ruined him. The we found out we where pregnant. We where shocked, but so happy! i was so looking forward to being a mum, but, only 7 weeks into the pregnancy, three trips to A&E, and two scans we lost our baby. Little Jellybean. We can't believe something like this would have happened. I feel so broken. Like a part of my heart has broken in two, my little baby, gone in a second. Its so hard to wake up in the morning. Its like a part of me died when my baby did. Heartbreaking as it is, we know it was for a reason, Jellybean may not have developed properly, it could have been due to the fact i haven't been off the implant for 6 months, we understand that it could be many reasons. But it doesn't stop me hurting like hell. I feel like it was torn from me, and was really wanting to become a mum. I even got used to the idea of going on insulin so my baby would be ok. But it wasn't to be. I just feel empty. So damn empty inside. I don't feel the same at the moment. Its like I have to be strong, because if i'm not its a sign of weakness,

His family aren't exactly the most supportive people. Infact his mum is the most unsupportive cow I think I have ever met. Its shocking, most people are supportive, but shes not. In fact she sounded so sarcastic on the phone, I don't think I have ever felt so much hatred, for one person. I lost the one thing in my life that other than its father i knew I wanted. I don't know what I want to do with my life, my life is empty thoughts of jobs i wish i wanted to do, but nothing I can do or choose is making much sense, the only thing i have ever wanted is a family. I want to be a mum. thats all i want at the moment. And even that was taken away from me. What do I have to do? Who do I have to pay to get what I want and crave from this life.

I guess i'll have to be a bridesmaid, i wish things where different. Mind you I need to get my head straight! I hate everything but my fiance, I love him. He is devastated too! This has been the worst month of our lives. And the biggest miscarriage of justice anyone could have done to us. I just wish the pain would leave!